"The System"

The first time we took The Kid's NG tube out, it was out for two weeks and then he just couldn't cut it any more. He got full feedings for two weeks straight, and then was unable to keep it up. So we had to put the tube back in. It was in and out every couple of days for a week or so, and now it's been out for 11 days. Pretty much every night it comes down to the last bottle. If he finishes it, we can leave the tube out for another day. If he doesn't, he'll need the tube again. It is rather stressful. The only reason he hasn't needed it for the past 11 days is because we have been waking him up in the night. Stinks, I know. He wants to sleep through the night, but he just can't. Eating is more important than sleeping for this little guy. Sleeping is more important for me...but HIM eating is more important than ME sleeping. Motherhood. Oh, well. It's worth it.

But the night before last was different. I figured we'd give him a go at sleeping through the night again. He slept for eight hours straight, and by the end of the day he was 45 ML ahead of his minimum! So, I let him sleep all last night, too, and so far he is rocking the house!

Without The Kid's NG tube in, I haven't been so excited about breastfeeding him. With the tube, I could check residuals and know for sure how much he got. Without it, I have to guess. Since it takes more energy breastfeeding than bottle feeding, I worry that we'll waste too much of his energy trying to breastfeed and then he'll come up short at the end of the day, and "hello tube." That's just not worth it to me. I expressed my concerns to The Occupational Therapist, who visits every other week, and do you know what she told me? "Trust the system." The System? If I trusted the system my baby would have been starving to death. As far as I knew, the most he ever got breast feeding was about half of a full feeding. Sure, we top him off with a bottle after attempting to breastfeed, but by then he's tired...or is he full? I don't know! How should I know? Wet diapers? Sure. He has five a day, two of which are soaked. Does that count? The OT says yes. She also says that if I don't nurse The Kid multiple times a day then he'll decide he doesn't want to do it any more. Yikes.

So, I decided to have a little faith in The System. And surprisingly, it's working out quite well. I can tell when The Kid does really well by the difference in what I get pumping. And he is really getting better. This week my roller coaster is up. I think he'll succeed at breastfeeding. Maybe Purser will be a Nurser after all! And if not, at least he doesn't have a feeding tube down his poor little nose. And doesn't he look so happy about that?

I could just look at that handsome face all day. In fact, I do. And I just can't get enough.