I hate food.
I hate what it's done to my family. I hate that my son can't have it. I hate that he doesn't want it. I hate that he needs it. I hate what it's like to see the food that I worked so hard to get in my son come right back out. I hate how it makes my son feel. Sometimes, I hate how it makes me feel. I hate that it's everywhere. I hate how food plays a central role in every single holiday. I hate how it feels to see and smell food when you're not hungry. I hate that it's trendy to make food look attractive. I hate that everyone says, "The kitchen is the most important room in the home." I hate that. I hate that everyone's suggestion for increasing family unity is to have meals together. I hate that I need food. I hate that I depend on food physically and sometimes emotionally, too. I hate that I actually enjoy food. I hate that I enjoy food that my son can't have. I hate the power that it has over me.
I love food.
I love how it tastes. I love how it feels to eat something savory, just when you crave it. I love how it feels to eat something sweet, just when you crave it. I love how it feels to crave something healthy. I love creating something beautiful with food. I love the recognition I receive when I create something beautiful and delicious.
Maybe some day food and I can have a better relationship. I think it will take time.
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3 comments:
I do not blame you for any of the feelings you have about food. You have gone through a lot. Here's to happier days with food. And yay for a time when our bodies won't depend on it.
I agree with Megan. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. Your a wonderful Mother - keep going!
Wow. Just...wow. I think you are in a very unusual position. I wouldn't know how to feel either! Love you, Anna!
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