The (Crazy) Horse

Our next door neighbors have a horse and a daughter who is about my age. We decided to be riding buddies. My horses aren't yet at our house, but they are being boarded only about one mile down the road, so yesterday I drove to the barn, tacked up Hank, and met my neighbor for a little trail ride. (Ok, not really a trail ride, since you'd have to trailer your horse to any trails, but we rode through a neighborhood or two to a little park with a big patch of grass and no "no horses" signs. It started out well. Hank seemed really happy to get out. He was walking very briskly with his ears forward the whole way to the park. Once we got there I asked him to canter a little, and he TOOK OFF! Boy, was he feeling his oats!

I spent the next 30 minutes fighting with him to keep him from taking off with me. A mom and three little kids came from a house across the street to say "hi" to the horses, but I couldn't let Hank get close to them--he couldn't stop moving for even a second. Good thing Cody is a good horse and appreciated a little scratch from a toddler who couldn't stop smiling and saying, "horsey!"

The ride back was just as bad. I'm impressed that I still have that kind of strength to my arms since this was only my third time riding since The Kid was born in November. Hank was taken out of lessons at that time, too (he used to be a lesson horse for kids with disabilities, believe it or not). He was very happy to get out. And to not be in an arena.

Now I have blisters on my hands and I was too tired and sore to get up with The Kid early this morning. Good thing The Boy is such a good sport. What would I do without him?

Now I want to see a chiropractor. My back hurts.

Not bad for a 21-year-old horse, huh?

Some pictures of us competing in our younger years.
Can you imagine this horse giving lessons to kids with disabilities? Pretty incredible.

Western Pleasure at the MN State 4-H Horse Show
English Equitation at the same show--versatile horse, huh?
Just a little backyard practice.
Our much younger years.
Yeah, he's still got it. We may have to get us some blue ribbons at some shows this summer.

The Play Date!

The Boy and I made friends with a few couples with babies in the NICU at the same time as The Kid. We figured that if we have to be germ-free, and they have to be germ-free, why not be germ-free together and try to maintain our sanity a little bit by getting together?

So, we got together! The Boys' very first play date ever.

Aren't they just the cutest little preemies ever? D. is on the left--he is the biggest at 14 lbs (I think). A. is in the middle and is a 10-pounder. The Kid is on the right, and he is 9 lbs 7 oz. When the other two were born, The Kid was about 6 lbs (I think) and made the others look tiny. Now they've passed him up. What good eaters! And what cuties!
And don't we all look smashing? Kids AND Girls. We are going to make a habit of it. Getting together, I mean. And probably looking smashing, too.

Purser's a Nurser!

The Kid and I have spent the last few weeks practicing breast feeding, and just a few days ago something clicked. (They told me something would click within the few weeks preceeding his due date, which was two months ago now. Hmmm.) Since he has his feeding tube in, I have been checking the contents of his tum-tum before and after breastfeeding to see how much he gets. He shattered his old record of 8 ML. He got 30. Whoa. And he made it look easy. Not a lot of struggle. It was nice. Kind of, I think, how breast feeding is supposed to be. And he's been consistent. The last four mornings The Kid has gotten 30, 39, 25, & 24 ML.

We had an appointment with The Lactation Lady at the pediatrician's office yesterday. She was thoroughly impressed with the handiness of the NG tube when it comes to looking at the contents of The Kid's stomach. She was also impressed with how well he nursed. She went to tell The Doc how The Kid has been doing, and he said, "So, Purser's a nurser, huh?" I like The Doc. And yes, Purser IS a Nurser!

Recently, I've been thinking that it will be just as likely that The Kid will learn how to nurse as it is that he won't be able to cut it with bottle feedings and will need surgery for a g-tube. Opposite ends of the spectrum, same likelihood. Just another "wait and see." But The Lactation Lady said that she thinks The Kid will be nursing well within a month or so. And apparently she's a miracle worker, so if she says it then maybe I can believe it. How nice would that be?

I can be positive.

They told me that only about one baby per year goes home with a feeding tube (an NG tube--in through his little nose, down his throat, and into his stomach). The Kid is one of the only kids who didn't learn how to eat by his due date. Stinks. However, there are some nice things about having an NG tube. They are as follows.

1) When you can't get him to burp like all of the other babies, you can use a syringe to pull the air out. Keeps him from throwing up. Nice.

2) You can feed him when he's asleep. Last night, for instance, he needed to be "topped off" to make up for not getting enough to eat during the day. He went to bed at 11:30. I went to bed at 12:45 (late, I know). I put an extra ounce down the tube while he slept, and he was full enough to make it to 7:30 in the AM. Nice. Really nice.

3) You can check residuals. One of the OTs thinks he has a slow-emptying stomach. I don't. How do I know? Before every feeding I check to see if he has any undigested food in his little tummy (by pulling it out with a syringe, then putting it right back in). If it's been a full three hours, he's completely empty.

4) You can know how much he gets when breast feeding. His record before was 8ML. This morning he was on a roll (of course, he was hungry after sleeping for 8 hours) and he got 30 whole ML! I had to use a huge syringe to pull that much out.

5) Instead of being hospitalized because of not getting enough to eat, I can put a little tube down his little nosey (ok, it's not that easy...he really hates it, and so do I) and voila! He gets food just...like...that. No hospital. That's the best part.

6) I can tell something's up. His stomach is irritated. Once or twice a day I pull up little tiny specks of blood. Yep. I wanna see a specialist.


So, what does this mean for my diaper bag? Well. We have a 60ML syringe, a 10ML syringe, extra duoderm and tagaderm (used to tape the tube to The Kid's face), an extra NG tube, and a stethoscope. Yep. Plus all of the normal baby stuff. It's nice, though. Twice now we've tube fed him in the car. What a time saver!

Having an NG tube has its perks, but it's also a little scary. If I don't check that the placement is right, I could put food into his lungs. That would be very, very bad news. Very bad indeed. But it's easy to check the placement, and I'm so used to it by now that I've got the routine down. I'm just glad that we're going through this at home, not still in the hospital. 100 days was enough for us.

If you laugh about it it hurts less.

Seriously? Look. Kate Gosselin carried her sextuplets to 30 weeks gestation. The smallest of the six weighed 2 lbs 7.5 oz--that's half an ounce bigger than my kid. The Octomom carried her EIGHT babies to 31 weeks gestation. Seriously. And I can't even take one baby past 27 weeks and one day. I have the same fertility problem as Kate (polycystic ovary syndrome). With the fertility meds I have to take, I have a 10 percent chance of having twins. Can you say "bedrest"? Yikes.

Four days before The Kid came.

My first time touching him.With The Boy's wedding ring.
You must understand...The Boy's ring finger is a girl's size 8.5. It's pretty small.

Happy Mornings

The Kid always...always...wakes up on the right side of the bed. Even for his night feedings, he wakes me up by grunting, not crying. A normal feeding routine goes like this:

1) The Kid starts getting really smiley. He "talks" to me, cooing and smiling like mad.
2) After a few minutes of being extremely happy, he'll throw in a little bit of a cry. Just a few seconds. And it's usually sandwiched between coos.
3) The Hungry Leg gets goin'. You'll see.
4) If he doesn't get any attention after a minute or two (i.e., we change his diaper, move him into a new position, give him his binky, etc.) he cries until he gets attention. Then he stops.
5) Once his bottle is warm and he's on my lap, he'll cry a little more if the bottle isn't in his mouth fast enough.

This is big for him. The fact that The Kid can feel hunger--on time--and tell us--shows a lot of improvement from when he was full-term in the hospital. He's just been too content his whole life. The NICU OT even said that he had the best temperament out of all of the babies in the NICU. I love it when he gets ravishingly hungry. It means that he's closer to being an independent eater. I wanted to cry for joy the first time I heard his "hungry cry." It was music to my ears.



The cutest coo ever.



All smiles, first thing in the AM.



The Hungry Leg. He was cooing before and after this video was taken, too.

(These were all taken about a month ago. Caleb is now almost a pound bigger.)

See what I mean? I think I could handle three babies at once, if they all had The Kid's personality. I would just hope that they were at LEAST 30-something weekers. That's my goal for next time. Not three babies at once, but one baby in the 30s. 37 would be nice. 39 doesn't sound so fun, but I'd take it. It would still be better than the 20s. I'd just like a third trimester next time.

Roller Coasters Make Me Sick

I had a good cry today. Putting a tube down The Kid's nose and into his stomach tends to do that to me. We cried together. I thought we saw the end of the NG tube, but I guess I was wrong.

We had an appointment with the lactation specialist this morning because it was time we start seriously trying to breastfeed. That's how good he was with the bottle. But these last few days he started his squirming, uncomfortable routine again and wouldn't take more than 30 ML at a time. In the past week he only gained 2 oz--he should be gaining almost an ounce a day. The OTs want me to get a referral from The Kid's pediatrician to see a specialist. I agree with them. If he can't get enough to eat from a bottle, how on earth is he going to succeed at breastfeeding? It takes way more energy. At least now I have a good pump so I can be ready to breastfeed whenever (or if ever) The Kid decides he's ready.

What have I learned?

I recognize that I don't have any control over this situation, so I try not to worry about it. I just do what I can; that's all I can do. But still, I'm a little sick of not having control over anything but my attitude. Having a micro-preemie is a roller coaster; I would have picked the Ferris Wheel if I could have, but when you decide to have a kid you just get in line and go wherever that line takes you. I'd much rather be on the roller coaster than not be at the park at all. And by the end of all of this, the roller coaster and I will be good friends. I'll know all of the twists and turns and I'll be able to help others who never signed up for that ride. And even though I would never call it fun, it's a familiar sort of comfortable. I could do it again if I had to, and hopefully it wouldn't make me quite so sick.

But really, please, just let me get on the Ferris Wheel next time.

The moral of the story?

It is worth every minute. My kid isn't like your kid, but he's still perfect. You don't need to be tube-free or wire-free to be perfect.

And all bad things must end.

The picture is deceiving; he really doesn't like the NG tube. He just has a hard time not smiling. What a sweet kid.