Oh, boy. The differences between my boys.

I know that I'm not supposed to compare my kids. But let me just be a bad mom for a little bit, ok? I promise that I love both of my boys. Not for one minute would I want Russell to be more like Caleb. I love that he is himself. It's more fun to get to know him that way.

But they are SO DIFFERENT! I feel like I'm a first-time mom all over again! Only last time I felt that I was better informed (there is no better place to learn things than the NICU). Now I have a "normal" kid. It's more weird that I thought it would be! And much harder!

He gets hungry. He cries. He demands to be held, pretty much constantly. He poops a million times a day. He doesn't want to sleep unless I'm holding him. He doesn't want to cuddle. Seriously. He wants to be held constantly, but never cuddling. I feel like my little baby is growing up too fast! I had at least five months with Caleb before he was at the stage that Russell is at right now!

I specifically remember a time when Caleb was small where I was sitting on the floor, watching him play (aka, kick his legs), where I thought, "I could handle three babies just like him!" I can remember one time, ONE, where he was cranky and I didn't know why. He did everything that I wanted him to do (sleep) and nothing that I didn't want him to do (cry). Except eat. I wanted him to eat and he didn't.

At times I wonder if I can handle one of Russell.

Everyone always says, "the Lord won't give you more than you can handle." But my friend shared a very helpful piece of knowledge with me recently. The Lord will give you more than you can handle, but not more than you can handle with help. And he will give you help.

I now know that I gave myself WAY too much credit for his goodness. Caleb was Caleb, and I did a good job not messing everything up, but that's all I can take credit for. I can do everything the same this time around, and Russell will still be Russell. Particular tastes is a good way to put it. He wants to face away from whoever is holding him. He will cry every time I talk to him, and smile every time Auntie Jenna talks to him. Seriously. He wants to eat when he wants to eat, no matter the time of day. During the day, he will only sleep in his swing. At night he will only fall asleep if nursing. Right now, in my sleep deprived state, I've gotta do what I've gotta do and put him to sleep in whatever way it works. I'd like to keep from developing bad habits, like depending on the swing, but right now I don't have much of a choice. Some day we'll be able to do some "training." For now I'll have to settle for 3-4.5 hours of sleep at a time.

But! He will take a bottle from anyone, whether it be formula or expressed milk. That's pretty awesome. My life would be a whole lot harder at times if he wasn't that way.

And he's pretty dang cute. When he smiles, I just melt!

Even though my boys are so different in their personalities, they sure look alike! This was Caleb at about 2 months adjusted age (5 months actual).

This was Russell a few days ago, at 2 months, in the same outfit. He started out happy, but then when I looked at him for more than a few seconds without picking him up, he wasn't very happy. You can hear a little bit of how he coos while he's starting to cry. It's kinda cute. :)

Pictures and videos too good not to share

Happy Russell:

So strong!:

Two boys enjoying tummy time, Caleb on his special Monkey Pillow and Russell on his special Russell Pillow (aka, the boppy nursing pillow):

I wish I had more than one outfit like this for him:

Two mini Paul Bunyans (Caleb calls this his "Paul Bunyan Shirt):

Cowboy Cal!:

Dancing and singing along to the credits of his favorite movie, Rio:

"Check it out!" "Where'd the angry bird go?"

Remember how I told you that Caleb has his books memorized? Well, here we are reciting a book from memory together:

(At the end, when I say, "It's quiet now, what do you say?" he says, "I love you, too." He knows that Mommy, Daddy, Aunties, Grandma, and Grandpa all say, "I love you," so naturally Caleb says, "I love you, too!")

Potential

The other day I was in line at Walgreens. The cashier was taking forever. A woman was in front of me, with a tiny, tiny toddler standing next to her. He was so small, and walking around like a big boy. Adorable. He was doing a very impressive job at being patient. He took one piece of candy off of the shelf and showed his mom, as if to ask if he could have it. She told him, "no," and told him to put it back, which he did. His mom had given him a thing of tic tacs to eat. He would tip the container upside down until he got a tic tac or two, and then would put the candy in his mouth.

This is a sweet, simple story, right? Kind of boring, actually. But it made a big impression on me. Why? Because if it was my toddler, it would have gone very differently.

First, I wouldn't be able to let him stand on the floor. I would have to hold him, or else he would run away to explore (aka, see what he could get into). If for some reason I let him stand on his own and he didn't run away, he wouldn't have taken one piece of candy off of the shelf. He would have cleared the shelf of all its candy, and then kicked it all around with his feet as fast as he could so that he could get as much enjoyment from it as possible before I rain on his parade by picking him up.

If he had a container of tic tacs, he wouldn't tip it over to retrieve a piece or two. He would have tipped it over, noticed that those little things fall out, making a cool sound and looking cool in the process, and shaken it until the candy was all over the place. He does it with his raisins every day. Every single day.

And if I held him for more than 30-60 seconds, he would have been squirming and screaming uncontrollably by the time we made our way to the cashier, driving everyone around us crazy.

That's why I love shopping carts. He is a perfect angel when in a shopping cart. He almost never tries to get out of them.

That's also why I love his smarts. I quiz him all of the time in circumstances like that, to keep him busy and happy. I say, "I see a heart! Do you see a heart?" And he looks through the whole store from the safety of his shopping cart until he finds the heart, exclaiming, "I see it! I see da heart! I see a heart ober dere!". I'll look at a magazine, with a really busy picture, full of a whole bunch of stuff, and ask him if he sees a camera. He can look at that busy picture for a whole minute straight, until he finds a camera in the picture, that's the size of his fingernail. And then we go through it again. We find everything in magazines and books. If I don't keep his brain going, I can't stop his body from going.

And nothing wears him out. Once we had a flight that was during his nap time. We got the genius idea to let him run around the terminal before the flight to "tire him out." Worst.idea.ever. An hour of running didn't tire him out. It winded him up. It was a miserable flight.

All these things got me thinking. This is obviously who Caleb is. It has nothing to do with parenting. I don't imagine that his energy level is going to change. Ever. So what happens when he starts school? Will he fail all of his classes because he can't sit still long enough to listen to a lecture? Will he drive all of his teachers and classmates crazy? Or will he get a great teacher who recognizes that he's more than some high-energy kid, and provide him with enough stimulation for him to excel?

And what can I do to help him be prepared for that part of his life? At this point, I can't even give him more than one crayon at a time. Why? Because they get turned from writing utensils to something that's really cool to twist together in your hand. More than two are really cool to push around a table to watch them roll together. A whole handful is great for throwing everywhere and watching as it rains crayons.

We can't brush him off as some kid with ADHD. Medicine won't change him. Remember what the doctors said? I've asked a lot of medical professionals if they think he has a sensory processing disorder, and they said that he's just a regular two-year-old boy, who is very smart.

I have this friend who is amazing. She can do anything in the world. She sets high goals, and always achieves them. From what I've heard, she was a lot like Caleb when she was little. Very...exuberant. Spirited. High-energy. Lively. Crazy. Yes. Crazy. Her parents did a great job of channeling all of her energy into learning, specifically about the gospel. And it sure shows! You could definitely call her "successful."

So how do I channel Caleb's energy into something productive? I think I need more energy, if I'm going to do that! And what productive thing do I channel him towards, anyway? My goodness, it's obvious that this child has the potential to do anything he sets his mind to. He is so smart. We just have to find something that he is willing to set his mind to. That doesn't bore him after 60 seconds.

So I've been thinking about music lessons of some sort. He loves music. He loves his harmonica. He also loves to read. He has most of his books memorized. Seriously. If there are a lot of words, we say the first part of the sentence and he says the last part. He also loves to do things with his body, obviously.

So I was thinking about enrolling him in piano lessons. Not now; maybe next year. That could keep his mind and his fingers going at a pace that he is comfortable with (rocket fast...that's his pace). Or maybe doing gymnastics or dance for now. I think it could be very good for his busy brain.

I just feel so much like what we do as parents, regarding Caleb's energy level and directing his energy towards something productive, could make or break him. He could be successful or not, and it's all up to how we teach him to channel his energy. And lately I feel like we can't just keep him locked up in a room full of toys and books any more. It's time to let him excel...at something. Anything. Whatever he likes.

I love Caleb so much. I wouldn't change him for anything. Well, for his sake I maybe would change that he has EE.... But please, oh, please let Russell not be so high-energy. I don't know if I could keep up with two "spirited" kids. It's exhausting. But I know it will pay off. It already is. I love watching him learn. Not in a million years would I want him to "learn" how to calm down. I want him to learn how to use his energy towards great things. He's such a great kid!

I made this!

The hat, the sleep sack (my first ever zipper!), and the cute, squishy baby, to be exact:

I also made this awesome bag for my friend's birthday. I didn't even need to use my seam ripper! I'm rather proud of myself. :)

Now I can't wait to make one for myself!

How my child eats!

It's Feeding Tube Awareness Week! In honor of raising awareness of feeding tubes, I thought I would post a video of how we feed Caleb.

We took this video when I was nearing my due date, thinking that it would be good to have easy-to-follow directions for anyone who might be babysitting Caleb. So, yes, I have a huge belly and there is hardly any space for Caleb to sit on my lap. :)

This type of feeding is called a "gravity feed." Other ways to feed would be pushing it in with a syringe (with a plunger); and pump feeding, where you use a feeding pump with a special bag full of formula. The pump can be programmed to deliver the formula at different rates. You can go as slow as half an ounce per hour, or six ounces in ten minutes, or even faster, depending on what the person can tolerate.

Also, you can feed things other than formula through a feeding tube. A lot of people do a "blenderized diet," where they take a regular meal and blend it up in a high-end blender and put it through the feeding tube either with a syringe or a pump. Since Caleb can only eat nine different foods, a blenderized diet won't work for him. His foods don't make up a balanced diet. It's unfortunate, because a lot of kids do better with real food vs. formula.

And now you know how we feed our little child. Every three hours during the day, and once while he sleeps at night.

:)

Getting to Know Russell

He has a little red birthmark between his eyes, slightly to the right.

He has a clogged tear duct in his right eye. It's always gunky and usually half closed when the other eye is fully open.

He can usually be found like this:

within inches of my...his source of food, whether asleep or awake.

He's been smiling now for a week or two:

He may be cooing, too, but it's hard to tell since he doesn't spend a lot of time being happy and all vocalizations lead to crying.

He is very strong! He has been known to try to stand up on my lap. Every time he's being snuggled with on one's chest, he picks his head up and throws himself to the side. Sometimes I worry that he's going to jump right out of my arms!

(My three boys enjoying tummy time.)

He enjoys stroller rides, just like his older brother (thank goodness):

He wasn't gaining very much weight to begin with. He was 8 lbs 5 oz at birth, 7 lbs 12 oz at four days old, 8 lbs 1 oz at 2.5 weeks old, and 8 lbs 6.5 oz at 3.5 weeks old. Babies are supposed to be at their birth weight at 2 weeks old and then gain 5-7 oz each week after that. It has been determined that I have an awful milk supply, which isn't helped by Russell's possible tongue-tie and his extreme sleepiness while eating.

At 5.5 weeks old he weighed 9 lbs 10 oz...so it seems that his weight gain is back on track. Either that or the scale was off, because he has been getting sleepier and sleepier and Caleb's feeding therapist is quite concerned. I don't know what's going on. But I've decided not to start worrying until a medical professional tells me to. I don't have the energy to worry.

When I say he's a sleepy eater, I mean it! He falls asleep within a few minutes at the breast and between nursing, burping, diaper changes, and bottle feeding I'm lucky if I can get through a feeding in less than 50 minutes.

He still eats every 2.5-3 hours during the day.

He is pretty good at sleeping in his bassinet at night, swaddled very tightly in a crocheted blanket with his hands by his face. But he still goes 2.5-3 hours between night feedings. A few times he's gone 4 hours. Last night I actually got 4.5 hours of sleep in a row! NICE!

He usually has one happy moment about every other day for maybe 10 minutes where I'm able to set him down without him crying. In fact, we're lucky if he has any awake time, whether in our arms or not, where he isn't crying. And we're extremely fortunate if we can get him to sleep somewhere other than our arms during the day.

He seems to be happiest (aka, not entirely unhappy) when there are new things to look at and hear. He was once in a crowded room with a lot of new people, and he was very happy! It was like he was a different baby. I wish we could achieve the desired behavior with the stimulation of toys and music...but alas, that has never worked.

He's very gassy and poops a LOT! He had a terrible diaper rash for a few weeks that wouldn't go away with any diaper rash ointment that I could find. BUT! It went away almost completely after 24 hours of using paper towels and water in place of baby wipes. Thanks to all you mommas who suggested that!

He is just barely starting to outgrow newborn clothes. They are starting to get a little tight around the tummy, but most of them still fit length-wise. But his feet are really filling out the designated foot space. He must have gotten his long feet from me. Nate's feet are the same size as mine. :/ (But for the record, I have very average-sized feet. Nate is the one with small feet.)

And that's my baby. He can be difficult at times, but we love him. Yes, I have to remind myself that I love him when he won't stop crying and I just want to set him down to get a drink of juice, or go to the bathroom, or put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, or feed Caleb. I have been tempted to give him (permanently) to the neighbors, but it's not his fault! He's just a baby. I need to be more patient. We find ways to make it all work, but I'm sure looking forward to the day when he can communicate with us through ways other than crying. And when he can be entertained by things, like toys. And when he can stay awake long enough to eat without me having to use every trick in the book to get him to eat the bare minimum.

Whew. Yes. I love him. And now I'm going to bed.

Christmas 2011!

Christmas doesn't get any better than it does with a toddler! It was magical!

Here is Caleb with his first gift--a football tent from Auntie Jenna. (I don't know why it didn't focus. Sorry if it gives you a headache!)

Yes, you heard right. He went inside, we asked, "Do you like your football tent?" and Caleb promptly said, "No." and got out. HAHA! But rest assured, he sure loves it now!

Caleb somehow got obsessed with Angry Birds. We don't even know how he learned what it's called. He doesn't play it. He just looks at it on Nate's phone. Well, Nate is a wonderful, thoughtful father and he got this for Caleb, unbeknownst to me:

Ah, the joy!

Other Christmas presents that made the top of the list: A tie. Yes, Caleb has his own tie, and no suit to wear it with. But when he opened it, he shouted, "A TIE!" with great zeal, and started jumping up and down (you know, in the way that a toddler jumps before he really knows how to get both feet off the ground at the same time). So far, he has refused to let me put it on him. But it was worth buying, if only for the initial reaction. Too bad we didn't get it on camera. We weren't expecting it to go over so well!

He also got a little drum and some other instruments (he has grown to love the kazoo). When he opened the drum and saw what it was, he shouted, "Drums! HOORAY!" Priceless.

The Littlest Purser turned one week old on Christmas, so he was clearly not as excited by the magic of the day as Caleb was. He did, however, sleep in his bassinet between feedings during the night, and gave me a few hours of sleep at a time. I think I even got three straight hours! That was the best night of his whole life so far! AND he was content to lay on the bed without crying while I got ready for the morning. That was also a first.

Together, all of my boys made it the most wonderful Christmas ever.