"The System"

The first time we took The Kid's NG tube out, it was out for two weeks and then he just couldn't cut it any more. He got full feedings for two weeks straight, and then was unable to keep it up. So we had to put the tube back in. It was in and out every couple of days for a week or so, and now it's been out for 11 days. Pretty much every night it comes down to the last bottle. If he finishes it, we can leave the tube out for another day. If he doesn't, he'll need the tube again. It is rather stressful. The only reason he hasn't needed it for the past 11 days is because we have been waking him up in the night. Stinks, I know. He wants to sleep through the night, but he just can't. Eating is more important than sleeping for this little guy. Sleeping is more important for me...but HIM eating is more important than ME sleeping. Motherhood. Oh, well. It's worth it.

But the night before last was different. I figured we'd give him a go at sleeping through the night again. He slept for eight hours straight, and by the end of the day he was 45 ML ahead of his minimum! So, I let him sleep all last night, too, and so far he is rocking the house!

Without The Kid's NG tube in, I haven't been so excited about breastfeeding him. With the tube, I could check residuals and know for sure how much he got. Without it, I have to guess. Since it takes more energy breastfeeding than bottle feeding, I worry that we'll waste too much of his energy trying to breastfeed and then he'll come up short at the end of the day, and "hello tube." That's just not worth it to me. I expressed my concerns to The Occupational Therapist, who visits every other week, and do you know what she told me? "Trust the system." The System? If I trusted the system my baby would have been starving to death. As far as I knew, the most he ever got breast feeding was about half of a full feeding. Sure, we top him off with a bottle after attempting to breastfeed, but by then he's tired...or is he full? I don't know! How should I know? Wet diapers? Sure. He has five a day, two of which are soaked. Does that count? The OT says yes. She also says that if I don't nurse The Kid multiple times a day then he'll decide he doesn't want to do it any more. Yikes.

So, I decided to have a little faith in The System. And surprisingly, it's working out quite well. I can tell when The Kid does really well by the difference in what I get pumping. And he is really getting better. This week my roller coaster is up. I think he'll succeed at breastfeeding. Maybe Purser will be a Nurser after all! And if not, at least he doesn't have a feeding tube down his poor little nose. And doesn't he look so happy about that?

I could just look at that handsome face all day. In fact, I do. And I just can't get enough.

Mad Skill

My mom, The Nana, made this adorable bear for The Kid. She crocheted it herself and I picked the color of yarn for the hat and scarf. She's thinking about selling them. She makes custom orders for the color of bear and accessories. She could also make different accessories, if you'd like. What do you think her asking price should be? Would any of you be interested in buying one? They are rather big. See?

As a bonus, they also come with a cardboard heart in the chest that she can put a special message on. The Kid's says, "I love you." Awww!

She also made this a-stinkin'-dorable clown that accompanied The Kid in his bed during his NICU stay.What do you think an appropriate price would be for The Clown?

The (Bother) Dog

Meggie Dog somehow got it into her head that she needs a treat at least once a day. Maybe it's because every day (or every meal, rather) for the past ten years my dad gave her a part of what he ate. Tisk tisk.

We want her to be happy with us in The Valley, so we have been giving her a treat once a day--but no table scraps. One night we were going up to bed and The Boy was calling Meggie to come up the stairs. She wouldn't come. He asked me if she had her treat for the day. She hadn't. And she just would not go to bed without getting it.

When my mom brought her here from Minnesota, the first thing I did when she got into the house was give her a milk bone. She proceeded to hide it. First in the corner of the dining room where we had a paint drop cloth. She tried to dig the plastic over the treat. That didn't suffice. She tried behind the dryer. Not good enough. Then the computer desk. Nope. Then the TV. Nope. I think by that point she either thought there was no threat in the house and it was safe to eat her bone or she was just too darn hungry. She ate it.

Another day I gave her a treat in the middle of the afternoon instead of before bed. I was in The Kid's room changing his diaper and Meggie Dog was in my bedroom with her milk bone. Then I heard The Boy's radio come on. We don't have night stands at the moment (that's what part of our tax refund is for) and The Dog was in the corner behind The Boy's books trying to find a safe hiding place for her treat. She stepped on the "on" button. I turned off the radio, uncovered the bone, said, "See, Meggie, that's not a good place to hide it. I found it. Ha." and proceeded to finish dressing The Kid. Then I heard the radio again. Crazy Dog. I turned it off and Meggie decided that it was best to eat her bone.

Meggie wanting my brownie.

Meggie waiting for her Beggin' Strip. She just couldn't hold still. She never tries to hide her Beggin' Strips. They're just too yummy. She can't risk any other dog finding it. Even if she hides it in such a good place as behind the dryer.

PS--When I told my niece that Meggie was going to come live with us (at that time she was living with my sister's family) she said, "I'll miss her, even though she is a Bother Dog."

The Horses are Home!

The Shed

The Granddad was out here for a few days and worked really hard to get our yard horse-ready. A huge reason why we bought our house is for the acre with animal rights, which is hard to find in Utah Valley in our price range. Our house is perfect for us (although by no means perfect) and now it is perfect for our ponies!

Our family is now all together. The Dog is here, The Horses are here, and most importantly, The Kid is home. Now we can all relax and enjoy our lovely life. Well, now we have more chores, and we still have a lot to worry about with The Kid, but the view out of our back windows is better, and when I need a 20-minute sanity break, all I have to do is step out of our back door. It's lovely.

See? Hank is happy, too! (Visiting with Cody, the neighbor horse.)

They make The Mountains so much prettier.

Coping with the NICU Experience

Ok, so I know that most of the people who read my blog really have nothing to do with NICU babies, other than that they know my family. So, please, if you know anyone who is currently in the middle of their own NICU experience, or may be soon, or who are dealing with the effects of having a preemie, and you think this may be helpful, please refer them here. Thanks!

Why am I qualified to give advice on this topic? Maybe I'm not. But...I did spend 100 days in the NICU with my 27-weeker baby (90 days early) who dealt with small problem after small problem, as most micro-preemies do. What did we deal with? A partially collapsed lung, an open PDA that almost required heart surgery, being intubated three separate times, an almost perforated bowel, five weeks in the intensive care nursery, 9 weeks in the "eating and growing" nursery, being tongue-tied and needing a frenectomy, needing thickened milk, reflux without symptoms, and bilateral grade II (almost grade III) brain bleeds. Eating is still up in the air. He came home with a heart/apnea monitor and still needs it. He also came home with his NG feeding tube and still needs it from time to time. I like to think that I'm still sane after all of this, so I thought I'd share how I got through it all (up to this point). So here ya go.

(*Disclaimer: I have no idea how to deal with the reality that your child might not make it. My baby was given a 90 percent chance of living; if you are not so fortunate, I don't know how much my insight can help you. There is probably a lot that you can teach me. We all feel for you and wish you the best.)

Things to remember as a Stay-At-Hospital-Mom:

1) It could always be worse. Your baby could be earlier, sicker, etc. This could be your tenth child. You could be 16, alone, and without insurance. (If you are 16, alone, and without insurance, nobody judges you--we feel for you and admire your strength. That situation wouldn't be easy for anyone.)

2) Be glad that it's you with a baby in the NICU, not someone who can't handle it. You can handle it. Or else God wouldn't have put you in that situation.

3) It's hard to feel like a mom when you can't hold your baby and someone else (tons of people, in fact) is the primary caregiver. Enjoy all of the diaper changes you get to do. But then just enjoy the fact that you don't have to change every diaper! Especially the poopy ones. That's what your insurance pays the nurses for. :)

4) The end takes more patience than the beginning, but wouldn't you rather worry about your baby learning how to eat than your baby learning how to breathe and, you know, stay alive? When the end is in sight but still seems unreachable, relax. You'd rather have your baby stay too long in the NICU than come home too early. If he comes home too early, he'll probably just end up back in the hospital. You really don't want that.

5) It won't last forever. It feels like it will, but it won't. They can't keep your baby there forever. No NICU has ever sent a baby to kindergarten.

6) Every baby is different, but every baby is a miracle.

7) If your baby is facing possible long-term problems, relax. At least knowing about it this early puts you in a better position to provide early interventions and minimize the problem.

8) We all break down. Having a baby in the NICU is STINKIN' HARD! Go ahead. Cry. No one will blame you. Yell, even. You are dealing with more than many people face in a lifetime. It's hard seeing your baby on life support. It's hard not knowing what to expect, and just "seeing what happens" day to day. No one expects you to be superwoman. Besides, it's a mom's job to worry.

9) Pumping stinks. I despise it. It's like having twins, only you hate one. I hated going home with my pump and not my baby. You can't do anything without thinking about your pumping schedule. It hurts. You have to get up in the night, not to a crying baby, but to an alarm telling you that you need sit for 20 minutes of pain for the eighth time that day. Just remember: the first few weeks is important for your baby. When nurses and doctors are doing everything else for your baby, you are providing the very most important thing that your baby needs and no one else can do that but you! So, go ahead and schedule your pumping schedule around your favorite TV shows. Don't lose sleep over getting behind in your milk production. And when the time comes that you will be a better mom by not pumping, STOP! Pumping is a darn huge sacrifice and with all of the stress that your situation already gives you, you don't need to put yourself through more misery. Don't feel bad about stopping.

10) You can never, ever fill your miracle quota. Keep asking for miracles, because God loves your baby more than you do, believe it or not, and He wants to work His miracles for your benefit. It never hurts to ask for more.

And above all...

DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL! Seriously. I know, it stinks not being able to control much about your baby's situation, but it will drive you crazy if you just sit and worry all day long. Just have patience. Have faith. Do what you can. And don't worry about the rest.

My very first time picking up my baby; two days old.

My very first time actually holding my baby; 13 days old.

Two to three weeks old.
Today.

Kids and their Legs

The other day The Boy and I took The Kid to our neighbor's house to see their new baby goats. They had two sets of triplets born in the last two weeks. It was my first time seeing baby goats and I had no idea how stinkin' playful they are. One baby, I swear, didn't walk anywhere--he bounced. This video doesn't capture it very well, but they're still cute.

They thought they were Mountain Goats.

Later that night, after I gathered everything for bed, I went upstairs to find this:

Too cute. I love my boys.

Happy Five-Month Birthday, Kid!

Today is the five-month anniversary of The Kid's birth. Five months ago...sheesh. It's so strange to think about the reality of that day. I woke up thinking that I'd be pregnant in that awful hospital bed for three months and by the afternoon I had a baby! It's been crazy since then, and yet the most wonderful five months ever. I can't imagine my life without The Kid.

At five months (two months adjusted age), The Kid...

• weighs 9 lbs 8 oz,
• wants to sleep through the night, but can't get enough to eat if he doesn't get an extra bottle in the night...so we've been waking him up so that we don't have to put his NG feeding tube in,
• knows that his arms and legs belong to him--he kicks his toys with determination and pulls his NG tube out with precision and accuracy (and scratches his face as he pulls at his tube, no matter how short his fingernails are cut),
• wears size one diapers, newborn outfits, and 0-3 month onesies,
• can roll to either side,
  
• loves to smile and "talk," especially before feeding time and at The Girl, The Boy, The Grandma, and The Grandpa.

The Kid's growth is being documented with his little buddy, Flat Stanley. I have dreams of him taking Flat Stanley to school with him for show-and-tell, along with the first picture of him...

at one week old.

Then here at nine weeks old (four pounds bigger than at one week old).
Three months old.
And today! Five months old. Seven pounds bigger than the original Flat Stanley picture.
What a miracle.