Cherish your Children

I came across this article today and I have read it at least five times since this morning. I keep coming back to it, trying to really grasp what it is about it that I feel so strongly about. Here is the article:

On a recent trip to the park, I overheard a parent ranting and raving about a little one “being a brat and always pitching fits.” It took me less than two seconds of looking at the child to realize his mother had put him down on hot asphalt without shoes on, and his "fit" was actually cries of pain as he danced around trying to keep his poor little feet off the asphalt while trying to push past his mommy to get back into the car. In a few years this mother will wonder why her ten-year-old is always so sullen and silent.

Later the same day in Wal-mart, a three-year-old asked her mommy what plastic wrap was for. The mother rolled her eyes and snapped, “For wrapping food in plastic, duh.” A few years from now, this mother will confess to a friend that she has no idea why her nine-year-old is so mouthy and rude.

Minutes later, a two-year-old riding past me in a shopping cart pointed at a toy and babbled in her cute baby language, looking at her daddy with a delighted smile. Her father ignored her first few attempts to get his attention, then finally barked, “Shut up!” without ever looking at her. In a few years this father will complain to his co-workers that his teenaged daughter never talks to him.

Communication in my son’s Tae Kwon Do classes is called, “The link between the world and me.” In the parent/child relationship, communication is entirely… hear this… ENTIRELY the responsibility of the parent. From the moment a child enters the world, they are trying to communicate. Crying, grunting, making eye contact, mirroring expressions: all of these things are the instinctive tools built into infants to reach out into a brand new world and make contact. They can do no more. It is entirely up to the parent to make the connection, to respond, to build those all-important "lines of communication" that will be so vitally important to parents in later childhood. Communication is not something that just happens. It is not something that begins when a child becomes verbal, and it’s not a product of a child’s advancing maturity. Communication is a process, a relational building block, a result of intentional and responsive parenting.

Crying is often mischaracterized as manipulation, and adults are certainly capable of using it that way! But to project such motivations on a baby is to grant them a level of skill and control far, far beyond their capabilities -- and that is a potentially disastrous mistake. A parent’s perception of the motivation behind their child’s behavior is often the single most powerful determinant of the parent’s response. And the parental response or lack of response to a nonverbal child’s cries either builds or damages their communication and connection. There is no in between, no neutral.

Hear this well, parents, your relationship with your teenager is being established NOW, while your child is still a toddler. Your discipline issues with your nine-year-old are being minimized or intensified right now, while he is reaching out to you in infancy. Preschooler’s tantrums are being moderated or exacerbated at this moment by your response or lack of response to your baby’s cries.

And the responsibility for building communication and connection with your child doesn’t end when your child becomes verbal. There is a reason children aren’t classified as adults until they are, in fact, adults. They simply do not have the judgment, experience, or maturity of an adult. Parents, you are the center of your child’s world for many years, and they WILL model themselves after the example you set. If you listen to them, they will learn to listen. If you are rude to them, they will learn to be rude. If you treat them with respect, they will learn to be respectful. If you are angry, demanding, and harsh with them, they will learn to be angry, demanding, and harsh. And so on. Live out how you want your children to turn out. That, parents, is what it means to “train up a child in the way he should go.”

Here is what I feel so strongly about:

It is our job to teach our children. We need to teach them patience. Love. Respect. Understanding. How to talk. How to count. How to use a fork. Our job as parents is to teach. We need to teach them what plastic wrap is for. Is it so hard to say, "Plastic wrap is used to cover leftover food, Honey."? No. It's really quite simple.

Is it really so easy to be angry at our kids? Or better yet, is it really so hard to be happy with our kids? Caleb sees a balloon in the rafters in Walmart, and while I'm busy trying to decide which brand of potato chips costs less, he says, "I see a balloon way up there stuck in the ceiling!" Why on earth would I shout, "SHUT UP!" because I'm looking at something else? Is price checking chips so vitally important that my child's self confidence and happiness is worth risking? I can easily say, "Yes! I see it, too! What color is that balloon?" And he gets so much satisfaction out of telling me that it's red. It's true, I know exactly what balloons are stuck where in the local Walmart. A balloon shaped like a baby is above the sewing section, a Christmas balloon is by the jewelry section, a heart balloon is above home goods, and countless red "clearance" balloons are everywhere else. I could get tired of playing the balloon game. But why? It does no harm. It keeps Caleb happy and occupied, and it's good for his brain. Why is it so easy to talk on the phone to a friend while price checking chips but we can't talk to our children?

What is the point in criticizing our children? In snapping at them? In ignoring them? Seriously? Our Heavenly Father, the perfect example of a parent, who always has our best interest in mind, would never correct us or teach us by snapping or insulting. Because it's mean and it doesn't help. It doesn't help one single thing. You wouldn't treat an adult like that if they said something that you didn't want to hear at that particular time, would you? Why wouldn't you give the same respect to your kids? They deserve the same respect. In fact, children are so pure and perfect and sinless that they never deserve to have their self confidence squashed. They only deserve to be lifted up. There is nothing about a little child that is intended to be annoying. They are just learning to communicate. Help them!

So does that mean that we should spoil our kids? NO. We can be kind and caring and considerate and respectful without spoiling. I put a bag of chips in my shopping cart and Caleb says, "I hold this?" (Happens every time.) I don't say, "Of course, Sweet Boy, because I can't do anything to make you sad because you are too precious!" That's just silly. I say, "No, because they're fragile and I don't want them to break. Maybe we can find something else that you can hold." And he takes that for an answer. If he were to have a meltdown because he wanted the chips and holding the chips was the only thing in the whole wide world that could possibly make him happy, then he gets to have a fit. But when he's done having the fit, he gets to hold the can of formula.

I have come to realize that every tantrum that Caleb has is either because he is overtired (and thus wound up) or because we are not communicating effectively. He loves to look in the fridge when I open it. He stands there saying, "Hmmm..." as if he is contemplating what he wants to eat (which is just funny since he can only eat ten different foods!). If I try to push him out of the way to close the fridge, he flips out. I'm talkin' a real terrible two's tantrum. But if I say, "Please close the door, Sweet Boy," then he usually closes it. But sometimes he's just having too much fun, so I say, "We need to close the fridge so the food can stay cold," and then he will close it. He respects my wishes and I respect that he is two and he has fun doing silly little things like looking in the fridge. We have a mutual respect. Yes, sometimes he earns a time-out for not listening, but that's because he isn't respecting me and I need to teach him how to do that, through showing him respect and through giving loving and easy-to-understand consequences when he doesn't show me respect. But I never discipline through anger. If I did then I might end up doing something that I would later regret.

I think when a parent's patience is being tried a lot of people forget that they want their child to communicate with them, and they're doing just that. We just need to learn their language and teach them ours. Children deserve patience, communication, understanding, time, and respect just as much as adults do. If you don't give your child respect, they won't give you respect because they won't know how! Your young child learns behaviors from you. Which behaviors are ok, which aren't, and how to react to different situations.

Remember, kids aren't inherently annoying. They're inherently wonderful. You just need to recognize and bring out the best in them.

World's Cutest Video

I took this video in July, when Caleb was 20 months old. He would sort of "sing along" when he heard this song on the radio, so I decided to show him the music video. It was his favorite for a long, long time.

Watch it to the end. That's the best part. Enjoy! :D

Here's to trying new things!

Today I did something that I never thought I'd do. Something I bet none of you have ever done.

I called a food company to ask what they meant by including "natural flavors" on their ingredients list.

It turns out it's a "trade secret" and they couldn't tell me what "natural flavors" they use in their ground chicken. Yep. They could tell me that it doesn't include what the kind lady called "allergens," which she clarified to mean corn, gluten, soy, artificial colors, yada, yada, yada. But one thing that she knew was included was rosemary.

So that means that unless we can find a different kind of ground chicken without extra ingredients, no more chicken burgers for Caleb. The poor kid is gonna be crushed.

Thankfully the kind lady had a subtle Minnesotan accent. It made me happy, even though I was sad to hear that we have to limit Caleb's foods once again. And she told me of another type of ground chicken that they sell that I might be able to find at a few stores 30 minutes south of here. Definitely worth looking into. Or maybe I'll just have to get up the courage to ask the store's butcher to grind some fresh chicken breasts for me.

I'm takin' all sorts of steps outside of my comfort zone lately! Anything for my little Cal and his chicken burgers.

:)

Russell MANIA!

Warning: It may be impossible to look at these pictures only once. This kid is just irresistible! I can't get enough of him!

Giggling at three months old:

Rolling over at three months old:

Ok, now go look at this little cutie again! I could just eat him up!

It's about time for another medical update

I don't think I've given much of an update on Caleb's medical status since this post. So it's about time!

Caleb seemed to handle the milk-based formula just fine. After a month or so of switching formula, his vomiting decreased drastically, so we introduced pears. They looked good. So we introduced peaches. They looked good. So we introduced barley infant cereal, which he refused to eat because, hello, what two-year-old is gonna like that texture? So we forgot about barley. We introduced beef. His vomiting increased a bit. So we took away beef and introduced carrots. The vomiting was still just as bad. So we took away carrots. [Two days ago Caleb saw carrots in the fridge and asked for them. I said, "No, you can't have carrots. They make your tummy hurt." Then yesterday, as he was eating his lunch, he randomly said, "I not eat carrots. They make my tummy owie." Smart, cute, sad little guy.]

So the GI doctor suggested another food to try after taking away carrots, and I suggested giving his body a week or two to have a break to make sure that the vomiting was related to the beef and carrots, and not to something else. And guess what happened in those two weeks? The vomiting stayed the same.

So we've only added two new foods in the last four months.

So. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place. A catch-22. It seems that his body is rejecting the formula again, like it did with the hypo-allergenic medical formula. His honeymoon period with the new formula is over and we don't know what to do next. It's possible that he is having an allergic reaction to the milk proteins in the formula, but my mommy gut tells me that's not the case. But it may be worth it to do a scope, anyway, to make sure that the eosinophils haven't returned...but scopes are so hard on poor Cal. He doesn't do well with anesthesia.

So I suggested trying a blended diet to see if his body would be happier with more real food and less formula. The GI doctor happily agreed. We did it for about a week, and he was still vomiting about once a day, and swallowing hard after each tube feeding, showing an effort to keep the food from coming up.

In that time he also had a lot of behavioral vomiting. Every time he would be exposed to a group of two or more unfamiliar people, he would get scared and automatically vomit. After vomiting, he would be a social butterfly. He just plain feels better on an empty stomach. This kid would love it if he could just starve.

He also vomits when he cries. And he's two. He has tantrums. It's not pretty.

But he continues to vomit in his sleep, so it's not entirely behavioral.

So, we're trying another medication to control the vomiting. I think this is the sixth or seventh med we've tried for this...? It's hard to remember. He's had a few vomit-free days, so that's been nice. But he's also been sick (with a stomach virus and now a cold) so the vomiting has increased because of that. His lips are currently so dry they're cracked. :(

And even if we can get the vomiting to disappear with this new med, will the med mask the symptoms of his allergic reactions if we introduce more new foods? See what I mean about the rock and a hard place? If only we could give him more foods then he wouldn't need as much formula and hopefully the vomiting would stop. But we can't give him new foods until the vomiting stops...UGH!

The next thing that I want to try is giving him rice milk and stop the formula all together. The only things in rice milk that he isn't already eating are sunflower/safflower/canola oil. Rice milk is very low in calories, so we would have to use the oils to add extra calories to his other foods, and give him a multivitamin. And probably buy a $450 blender so we can blend up real food to put through his tube to give him a more balanced diet. At least as balanced as nine foods can get.

So that's where we're at. At least he's only throwing up once a day, instead of 3x a day, like before. If it gets worse, I imagine the GI doctor will throw in the towel and say that he feels all together better when he eats foods that he's allergic to than when he drinks the formula that makes him sick, so we will start to give him any food, without restrictions. If it comes to that, Nate and I have decided that we would see about seeing the world's best specialists in Philadelphia. I've thought about bringing him to someone in Mayo Clinic, so we can see my family on the same trip...but Philadelphia has the world's best, and Caleb deserves the best! We need to get this little guy feeling better.

Oh, and he had a weight check at the GI's office--22 lbs 13 oz with a t-shirt and a wet diaper on. He was 21 lbs 1 oz four months ago. He has gained enough to stay just as far below the curve as he was before (something like -25th percentile) but he is no longer playing catch-up, like he was before. His first few months with the tube and he was gaining a pound a month! Then the next few months he was gaining half a pound a month. Now he's slowing down even more. It wasn't a horrible weight to be at, but it would be nice if we could get him to gain more. As always.

Russell is 3 months! (+2 days)

I can't believe how fast this little termie grows and changes! He has changed so much! At three months old, Russell:

• Wears Costco size 1-2 diapers
• Has gone through more than two boxes of Costco diapers! There are 216 diapers in a box, people! That's nuts!
• Has been wearing 0-3 month clothes for less than two weeks, and some of them are starting to look a little snug. These are the same clothes that Caleb wore when he was 11 months old!!!!!
• Has giggled once, and almost giggled two or three other times
• Is happiest when I'm nursing him and reading a story to Caleb at the same time...he LOVES story time and could just look at me and smile forever :)
• Has had three pretty good nights of sleep (the last three nights). One night he slept from 1AM to 7:30, and then from 8 to 11:30! The next night he slept from midnight to 6:30 and then from 7 to 10:30. Last night he slept from midnight to 5:30 and then woke up at 8:30. I'm not complaining, because it's much better than going to bed at midnight and waking up at 3:30, 7, and 10, which is what he has done like clockwork for pretty much his whole life. And he goes right back to sleep after a feeding. Now we just have to work with getting to bed earlier! Some day I hope he sleeps from 9PM to 10AM, just like Caleb. And then has a morning nap from 10:30AM to noon, just like Caleb used to :)
• Has been doing AWESOME at afternoon naps! About five times now I've been able to lay him down right before Caleb's 3PM nap, and he goes right to sleep on his own and sleeps soundly until 6PM, when Caleb wakes up. I'm loving it!
• Will only put himself to sleep if he is in the European swaddler that my friend Amy got for Caleb when he was a baby. It's a soft, pillowy thing that surrounds him and ties as tightly as I want. He loves it! I'd be going crazy without it
• Refuses to take a binky any longer. He just gets more mad when we try to give one to him, like we're trying to trick him. He only wants the real deal. But he has grown somewhat fond of his hands, which I kind of like
• Is MUCH happier now that I've cut dairy out of my diet. I love my ice cream, but I love me a happy baby much more! His {poop} (sorry for the dirty word) is still loose and full of mucous, so he may have another food sensitivity going on, but he is happy and that's the main thing I care about!
• Definitely recognizes his parents and his brother. He smiles every time he sees Caleb, even though Caleb is usually pretty oblivious
• Loves, loves, loves his swing and gets furious if it stops moving while he's awake (and usually wakes up if it stops moving while he's asleep)
• Cannot do tummy time on his boppy pillow because he always slides down and gets stuck with his face planted in the pillow. He doesn't like that at all
• Does not like to snuggle at all. He only likes to be held facing away from whoever holds him. He has fallen asleep that way a few times
• Is a sweet little addition to our family that we are glad to have.

:)

Lots of random thoughts bouncing around inside of my head....

One day Caleb walked past Russell, whose hands were in fists, and gave him "pounds."

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Why oh why do some kids fight sleep so much?

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I have grown to love nursing my baby. I especially love when I change his diaper in the middle of a feeding to wake him up a bit, and his eyes flutter awake...he looks at me and gives me the best sleepy grin in the world. He loves me. :)

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Remember Caleb's Hungry Leg? (The last video on the post.) Well, Russell has one now, too! I'd take a video, but The Leg doesn't get going until I put him on the nursing pillow on my lap, just before he starts to nurse. So you'd have to catch me with my shirt up. And that's not going to happen. But, I love the hungry leg. :)

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Caleb had a little scab on his wrist and the other day he said, "I take the owie off?"

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Caleb loves to spot LDS Temples and Churches while on car rides. There's a cute little children's song about temples and Caleb often requests that we sing it. A few days ago, I heard him sing, "I yove to see da temple..." and then, "for da temple is a house of God...." I'm so proud!

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Caleb is still rear-facing in his car seat (and will be for as long as possible!), and no one can tell me that rear-facing kids don't see as much. Caleb sees EVERYTHING! We talk a LOT while driving. He tells me every time he sees something...a leaf, a bird, a farm, a big truck, a tractor (aka, construction vehicles), a school bus, a horse, a cow, a bike....The thing that he most commonly points out is basketball hoops, believe it or not. "I see a basketball hoop ober dere (over there)!" (Said with great, nay, extreme enthusiasm. And repeated until he gets acknowledged.)

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One word that Caleb uses every few days is "mamenos." I have no idea what it means. (Nate just asked Caleb where the mamenos went, and Caleb said, "In the kitchen." Now he's looking through the pantry. Maybe it's something in there....)

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Since Caleb could say the word "monkey" (about a year ago, I'd say), he has identified the Kool Aid pitcher man as a monkey. He gets very excited when he finds the Kool Aid packets in the pantry, exclaiming, "I found a monkey!" Don't ask me way.

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Four consecutive hours of sleep feels amazing after three months of two to three hours of sleep in a row.

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The most disgusting thing that I can currently think of is when a baby spits up on you while eating. I'm talkin' breastfeeding here, people. Gross.

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One day, shortly after putting Caleb down for his nap, we heard a very terrified cry on the monitor. Nate rushed up to see what was wrong and found Caleb standing there with his hand covered in poop, saying, "Poo-poo hand!" with tears in his eyes. The pointer finger on his other hand had a spot of poop on it. I can imagine what was going through Caleb's mind. He had pooped in his diaper and, out of curiosity, put his hand down his pants to see what was going on. Upon seeing stinky brown stuff on his hand, he gently examined it with the other hand before figuring out that it was...POOP! At which point he cried hysterically until Daddy came to the rescue. I mean, poop is yucky! I'm glad that he didn't think it was paint that belonged on the wall. That would have been yucky.

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When asked by Grandma and Grandpa who his friends in the Church nursery are, Caleb responded, "Lily...James...then Daddy clean up frow up." Yes, yes, Daddy cleans up throw up every week in nursery. Sad, isn't it?

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We bought our plane tickets to Disney World next month. WOOHOO!

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A retired linguist selling Forever Sharp knives in WalMart the other day commented on Caleb's vocal skills. He was very impressed and told me to teach Caleb how to read right away. "Don't waste that!" he said, over and over. I bought his knives. Yesterday I was using one of the knives to slice an avocado. I was two thirds of the way through the pit before I realized that I was cutting something hard. Those knives are amazing. So is Caleb.

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Caleb is very observant. He hears every plane that's flying in the sky whenever he's outside, and he must point it out. "I hear a airplane! [Looking around.] Ober dere! I see a airplane way up dere!" (I think it's about time he learn the proper use of "an.") Just about when you think he's done talking about airplanes, he says, "Dandad [Granddad] flies airplanes." It's true. Smart kid.

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When Russell is hungry, he breathes very fast through his nose before he starts to cry. I wouldn't be surprised if he hyperventilated some day.

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When Russell cries, Caleb says, "Don't cry, Baby Russell. Don't be sad, Baby Russell."

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The other day, we were going on a little drive just for fun, so we brought Meggie with us. She was on the floor in the back seat and for some reason she yelped. Caleb said, "Don't be sad, Meggie Doggie."

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One of Caleb's most commonly uttered phrases is: "I need help, Mommy." Is he really two?

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A lot of the words that start with "s" Caleb pronounces with an "f." We take advantage of that for immature purposes. "What store did we go to that has all of the animals?" "Pet Fart!" "Is Daddy smart?" "Daddy fart." "Is Caleb smart?" "Cay-bid fart." lol Makes me laugh every time!

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