23 weeks! It's time to party!

(Please forgive the poor angle of this picture. I took it myself about 60 seconds ago.)

I have been counting down to this day for...oh...about 19 weeks (aka, since I found out I was pregnant).

If premature delivery is a problem for you, you know that 23 weeks is a very magical number. It's where the pregnancy becomes "viable." Well, some would argue that 24 is the week of viability, but a baby born in the 23rd week has a 17 percent chance of living (found on my good friend's blog, here), and that's the point at which I would feel comfortable demanding that doctors resuscitate my baby. I personally know a 23-weeker who was born shortly after Caleb, and who was in the same hospital as him. If you think Caleb is doing remarkably well, then she's doing extremely remarkably well! Seriously, that girl is amazing. It gives me a lot of hope in case this pregnancy doesn't go as long as I'd like.

(I might be crazy, but I've gotten to the point now where every day that something doesn't go wrong I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I can't shake the feeling that if something does go wrong, it will be some time in the next 4 weeks, because that's when things went south with my last pregnancy. Nate even said yesterday, "Wow, this pregnancy is going so much worse than the last one!" Yikes. Let's hope he's wrong. So, I'm trying to take it easy while at the same time enjoying the fact that it's "safe" to still do fun things. So, if you want to hang out with me some time, you might want to do it soon, just in case!)

Just in case you're interested, here is the chart from my friend's blog:

Survival Rates for Preemies:
23 weeks: 17%
24 weeks: 39%
25 weeks: 50%
26 weeks: 80%
27 weeks: 90%
28-31 weeks: 90-95%
32-33 weeks: 95%
34+ weeks: Almost as likely as a full-term baby

I still plan on at least getting farther than last time. Into the 30s would be nice. :)

So, to celebrate the possibility that Little Purser could live if he was to be born any time now, I think I'm going to have a piece of cake. Well, probably two. :)

By the way, did you know that this week my baby is almost a foot long and weighs just over one pound? Isn't that amazing? I've seen babies that size! In real life! Cool.

If I wanted to be a nurse, I would have gone to nursing school!

Instead, I get to care for a child with some odd (although not terrible) medical needs. I'm not complaining, because I'm really glad that I can take care of him how he needs me to, and I know it could be much worse, but seriously--who else has had to put a tube down their child's nose? Who else has a night time routine with their little one consisting of gauze, steroid cream, and endless supplies of q-tips? Who else has "call medical suppliers" on their to-do list? Who else has a 21-month-old with "button" and "tube" as a daily part of his vocabulary?

Nate says I'm perfect for the job, because I like lists and routines. I do things the same way, at the same time, every day, and I kinda go a little bit nuts if everything isn't perfect. I guess you have to be a little bit like that to deal with these things.

I guess I do a good job. I really don't mind it, but I certainly would rather not have to do it (more for Caleb's sake than for mine)! It's just part of my job as a mom. Not what I envisioned being a mom would be like, but it's part of the deal and it's 110 percent worth it.

And now...part of being a mother of two is giving MYSELF a shot! It must be done. I'm taking care of my unborn son by doing it. Hopefully this will keep me from needing to use my past medical knowledge (aka, NICU and feeding stuff) to care for the littlest Purser. But man, it sure isn't fun!

The shot of which I speak is 17p, the progesterone shot that must be administered weekly in order to (hopefully) prevent preterm labor. I live 35 minutes away from the clinic where a nurse could give it to me, so instead of wasting over an hour every week, with Caleb, (not to mention the gas that my truck guzzles), I have been giving it to myself. I thought, "Hey, now that I've done this, I could totally be a nurse!" My good friend said, "Hey, now that you've done that, you could totally be a druggie!" Nice. :)

So, for the second time so far, I shot myself in the patootie. How many more times I have to shoot myself depends on how long I stay pregnant. I hope it's at least two or three more months.

Just for kicks...week 18/19

Today I am 19 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I've taken nausea meds twice today. Thankfully my heartburn and headaches haven't been too bad in the last few days.

I've been feeling swollen a lot in the last few days, too. They say that it's normal to have swollen feet by the end of a long day, but my hands and feet are most swollen when I wake up in the morning! They tend to feel a little better by the end of the day. Weird, isn't it!? The same thing happened with my last pregnancy around this time, and the doctor seemed to think it was odd, but nothing to worry about.

I've been getting weekly progesterone shots for the last three weeks, and they're going well. I was told that they can be very painful, but so far they're not so bad! I can feel the serum going in, and it doesn't feel pleasant, but it's never all that bad and I'm never sore afterwards. Yay!

I've been having "contractions" since about week nine (which seems crazy early) and they sure haven't let up. Since starting the shots, I'll have a few days a week where I'll only have one or two contractions. But some days I'll have five or more. And the average contraction lasts at least three minutes. Today I had one that lasted for over 15 minutes. It was insane.

I have another ultrasound on Friday, so we'll know if these crazy contractions are effecting my cervix at all. At this point I'm not too worried because my contractions are completely sporadic. Then again, that's how they were last time, only I didn't have as many. :S Last time, I would have maybe four a week. Ok, now I've scared myself a little!

Caleb now knows where the baby is, and loves to give him kisses. He likes to lift up my shirt and kiss my bare belly, and then he waves at my belly and says, "Bye-bye, baby" while pulling down my shirt. It's possible that he thinks my belly button is the baby, though...I'm not entirely sure. Either way, it's sweet how much he loves his little brother already!

It sounds weird, but I don't really feel like I'm pregnant. I think it's because I don't feel him kick very often. I felt Caleb kick at 15 weeks, and it seems that by now he was kicking up a storm. Maybe my memory is failing me, though. I know it's normal to not even feel the baby kick until 20 weeks, although I have been feeling this baby kicking for a few weeks now. It's just very faint and unpredictable. Sometimes I'll go a whole day without feeling any kicks. Mostly it just feels like I have a spider crawling on my tummy in the same spot, over and over again, for a few seconds. Sometimes it feels like a goldfish is inside of me, and its tail keeps hitting the side of my stomach in the same spot. It was never that faint with Caleb. It's just weird that these two pregnancies can be so very different in some ways, and so similar in other ways!

However, one thing that isn't so different is my size!

This was my pregnancy with Caleb at exactly 18 weeks and 4 days:

This is me this time, at exactly 18 weeks and 4 days, wearing the same shirt and pants:

It's ridiculously similar, isn't it?! Crazy. I just look more...tired. Can you blame me?

But I must say, I love what an over-sized belly does to my, um, rear end. Everything's just a little more...balanced. :)

And I kinda miss my long hair.

Surgery

I know, I know. It's been eight days since Caleb had surgery. I used to be so good about blogging a few times a week. And for that matter, I used to be somewhat witty. Now it's all medical and milestones, and I can hardly find the time/energy to keep up. Sorry.

So:

Caleb's surgery went well, which was to be expected. It was simple and pretty quick. They gave him versed to calm him down and keep him from having any recollection of the event, so he willingly went to the anesthesiologist and left us for the OR. I didn't even cry. Later, the anesthesiologist said that he reeeeeally fought having the mask with the anesthesia put on, and to never let anyone do anything like that without first giving him versed! I can't imagine how bad it would have been without being drugged first! Poor babe.

After knocking him out, they went in laproscopically through his belly button to the side of his stomach. Then they made the hole and popped a "button" in it. Then they covered his belly button with steri-strips, and the surgery was done!

He spent about 24 hours in the hospital, only needing pain meds once, which was a good thing. Why? Because Primary Children's Medical Center, one of the nation's leading pediatric hospitals, doesn't have dye-free children's Tylenol! RIDICULOUS! You can get it at Target!! Next time I'm bringing my own dye-free tylenol.

Anyway, he was a tiny bit tender for a few days, and by four days post-op he was 100 percent himself again!

This is exactly what his "button" looks like:

The round bottom part is inflated with water and is what goes into the stomach. Yes, Caleb literally has a water balloon in his stomach. You deflate it when putting the button in or taking it out. It's there to keep the button from coming out of place. The top part opens up so I can attach an extension tube to feed him through.

I'll show you a picture of what it looks like from the top (what you see when you look at Caleb's belly) when Caleb doesn't have to have it all taped down to keep it in place any more. Right now there's just too much going on on his little belly. It's hard to make sense of it all. And I have to get around to taking pictures, which is much harder than it should be.

We're all adjusting well to the new "norm." I'm still a little intimidated by the tube (will I know if something is wrong with it, like an infection, irritation, or unhealthy skin growth? Will I know what to do if it comes out within the first eight weeks after surgery--I'm supposed to take him immediately to the hospital after putting a special tube in the hole!). But overall, it's easier than the NG tube.

And I'm pretty sure Caleb LOVES it! Not that he loves being fed through it, he loves the tube itself! He now knows how to say "button," while pointing to his new button. The extension that attaches to the button that we feed him through we call his "tube." Whenever he sees it he says, "tube!" He chews on it or plays with it and when the tube comes open he says, "uh-oh!" When the feeding is done and we put the tube away he says, "bye-bye, tube." And other than his night-time feeds where we hook him up to the feeding pump, we "gravity feed" him using a 2-oz syringe. You take the plunger out of the syringe, attach the syringe to his tube, put the formula in the syringe, and hold it higher than the button and the formula just flows right in! Well, Little Cal loves to play with the syringe plunger. I "bop" him in the belly with it, and it is now known as the "bopper." He says "bop bop!" every time he sees it, and loves to "bop" himself in the tummy with it. Too cute, too cute. It might be weird that one of my son's favorite toys is a syringe, but I don't mind.

So, everything is going pretty smoothly at the Purser household. Caleb was weighed the day before his surgery and weighed 18 lbs exactly. I can't wait to see what he weighs next! Our feeding therapist wants him to be weighed twice a month...I think mostly because she's curious. :) I'm curious, too. He seems hungrier than ever before! He LOVES the seven solid foods that he's allowed to eat, and he can ask for most of them by name! It's so nice to know that, for the first time in his life, he can eat without being in pain. It makes the pain of the surgery entirely worth it.

And we just love seeing him without a tube taped to his face!

And we love seeing him loving food!

It's A Cowboy!

Yep, that's right! We're having another BOY!

I'm very surprised, since this pregnancy is so different from the last, but I'm OH SO HAPPY!

We already have virtually everything we need for another boy.

If (ok, ok, WHEN) this baby reaches Caleb's size, they can share clothes. If it was a girl passing up Caleb, it would just be sad. It's not so bad if it's a boy.

They will be only two years apart, so they can do all sorts of things together! They can do team roping, team penning...both are rodeo events, in case you didn't know. ;)

Caleb will take after his daddy and be pretty much the best big brother in the world.

Another Purser boy to carry on the name. (Did you know that out of all of Nate's Purser cousins, only three are boys? Good thing those three boys have a total of seven male offspring, including this new one!)

The only problem is that I'll be WAY outnumbered!

Oh, well. I love my boys. I couldn't ask for anything better.

Although I'd really like a full-term baby.

BTW, the ultrasound today was to check my cervix, and everything looks great at this point, despite all of my contractions!

P.S.--I'm still pregnant.

Photo taken at 15 weeks 4 days

I'll be 17 weeks on Wednesday. I'm getting huge. I'm getting heartburn and headaches galore.

And I still have morning sickness.

Yuck.

I take zofran at least once a day still.

On Monday I get my first progesterone shot, which I will be getting every week.

I've been having a lot of contractions (2-4 a day, sometimes lasting 5 minutes), so I'm going to request biweekly ultrasounds to make sure my cervix is holding up fine. Hopefully soon we'll find out the gender. :)

The other day I got my first stranger saying something about me being pregnant. That felt good. I like looking pregnant, not just like I ate a big lunch.

I may have felt the baby move once or twice. I could have sworn that I felt kicks, but they were too high up to be the baby, so now I keep second guessing myself. They say that you feel it earlier if it's not your first baby, but I felt Caleb kick at 15 weeks (because I had a cyst on my left ovary and he wedged himself in that corner and kicked and kicked and kicked for weeks. It hurt. I still felt bruised a week after delivery) and you can't get much earlier than that.

I feel bad that this baby is already in Caleb's shadow a little bit. Hopefully by the time he/she is here, Caleb's stuff will be a little more figured out and he/she will get the attention that he/she deserves.

Remember this?

How ironic.