Thursday, April 1, 2010

Roller Coasters Make Me Sick

I had a good cry today. Putting a tube down The Kid's nose and into his stomach tends to do that to me. We cried together. I thought we saw the end of the NG tube, but I guess I was wrong.

We had an appointment with the lactation specialist this morning because it was time we start seriously trying to breastfeed. That's how good he was with the bottle. But these last few days he started his squirming, uncomfortable routine again and wouldn't take more than 30 ML at a time. In the past week he only gained 2 oz--he should be gaining almost an ounce a day. The OTs want me to get a referral from The Kid's pediatrician to see a specialist. I agree with them. If he can't get enough to eat from a bottle, how on earth is he going to succeed at breastfeeding? It takes way more energy. At least now I have a good pump so I can be ready to breastfeed whenever (or if ever) The Kid decides he's ready.

What have I learned?

I recognize that I don't have any control over this situation, so I try not to worry about it. I just do what I can; that's all I can do. But still, I'm a little sick of not having control over anything but my attitude. Having a micro-preemie is a roller coaster; I would have picked the Ferris Wheel if I could have, but when you decide to have a kid you just get in line and go wherever that line takes you. I'd much rather be on the roller coaster than not be at the park at all. And by the end of all of this, the roller coaster and I will be good friends. I'll know all of the twists and turns and I'll be able to help others who never signed up for that ride. And even though I would never call it fun, it's a familiar sort of comfortable. I could do it again if I had to, and hopefully it wouldn't make me quite so sick.

But really, please, just let me get on the Ferris Wheel next time.

The moral of the story?

It is worth every minute. My kid isn't like your kid, but he's still perfect. You don't need to be tube-free or wire-free to be perfect.

And all bad things must end.

The picture is deceiving; he really doesn't like the NG tube. He just has a hard time not smiling. What a sweet kid.


Janae' said...

That is one sweet smile!

*Alice Anne* said...

That is such an awesome way to look at your current situation. I hate that you don't know how this is going to all turn out! You just have to take it minute by minute. I feel for you! He's sooo adorable, though. I hope he gets back on track with his progress soon. He was progressing really good for a minute there!

And this is completely off-topic, but I replied to your comment. :)

The Girl said...

I love that story! It's so cute and just like you!

*Alice Anne* said...

@The Girl - I know! We're so ghetto! All it took was some McDonald's and him telling me I was beautiful for me to be swept off my feet... :)