Wednesday, October 29, 2014


We've got another baby on the way!!

The newest Purser is due June 8th!

And now, since I'm sure you're all dying to know but don't want to ask, let me give you details:

How did this come about?  Getting pregnant is a very medical process for me.  This time it took a total of 12 months.  That's a whole year of people awkwardly looking at my belly as if waiting for a pregnancy announcement, since, of course, Russell is nearing his third birthday and by the time Caleb was that age we had a 9-month-old.  Sorry, but my little belly was just leftovers after the number Russ did on my abs.  (BTW, my doctor said I'll need surgery to fix my torn abs, so I'm going to look 3 months pregnant until that happens, so it's ok to stop staring.)

With Caleb it took 15 months and with Russ it took 2 months, both requiring 200 mg of clomid to get me to ovulate.  This time I went on clomid for three months, ovulating each time and still not getting pregnant.  That's the maximum that my doctor felt comfortable keeping me on that level of hormones, so he referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE).  They ran some tests and found that I have a blocked fallopian tube.  My "good" tube initially appeared to be blocked as well, but after putting some pressure on it the radiologist was able to get it to clear out.  The RE prescribed a different fertility med and after getting my fallopian tube cleared out, I got pregnant right away!  Which is a very good thing, because the next step would have been hormone injections, which greatly increases your chance of multiples.  I'm scared to death of having multiples, with my high-risk status and with the high likelihood of my kids having growth and feeding problems. many are there?  Just one.  :)  We've already had two ultrasounds at the RE to confirm that it's not ectopic, to see how many babies are there, and to detect a heartbeat.  Just one little baby in there, measuring right on track, with a good, strong heartbeat.

How have you been feeling?  Sick.  I spent the first few weeks feeling awesome, and then right at 6 weeks I got super sick and have been sick ever since.  So far I've broken all my previous records for how many times in a pregnancy I've thrown up--4 times so far.  And I'm sure it's not over.  I have a few good hours here and there, but I've pretty much just held down the couch for the last two weeks.  Thankfully, my boys have been awesome.  Caleb and Russ play together nicely all day, and Nate makes dinner, does the shopping (I tried to go to the store yesterday and had to keep my eyes on the floor...just looking at all of that food made me sick), and cleans the house.  They're all awesome and deserve gold stars.

I'm also exhausted and need at LEAST one nap a day.

That's about it for pregnancy symptoms...just nausea, vomiting, and tiredness.  Oh, and I've lost weight since the nausea is keeping me from being able to eat much, but you'd never know since my belly is popping out already.  But it's not the cute, hard, round belly, uh-uh, it's the flabby chubby belly.  Not my favorite part of pregnancy.  I'm excited to actually start showing.

How did the big brothers take the news?  They literally started jumping up and down, shouting, "YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!"  Caleb tells me every day how he really wants it to be a girl, because we already have three boys and only one girl in our family.  Russell asks every day if it has teeth yet (tooth buds will be forming this month!).  They absolutely love telling people--they say "Mommy has a baby!"  I suggested that maybe the boys can share a room and the baby can have the other room, and Russell said he wanted to share a room with the baby.  They talk about the baby all of the time!  I can confidently say that they are going to be amazing big brothers.

So, a June birthday, eh?  How do you feel about that? Well, thanks for asking!  ;)  I always wanted to avoid summer birthdays, because I don't want my kids to be the youngest in their class.  But when it takes you 12 months to get pregnant, you take whatever you can get!  And there are some really nice things about having a baby in June, too.  It's not the middle of flu and sick season, which will be awesome after having two babies in the dead of winter and having to quarantine ourselves.  And perhaps the one I'm most excited about: the sun.  Ever since having Russ in December, I've had Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) every winter.  It's awful.  And combine that with the baby blues?  It seriously took me over 4 months to bond with Russell.  I'm looking forward to having lots of sun and nice, long days to keep my mood in a good place.  And as far as being pregnant for a whole winter...I'm going to have to get a UV lamp to try to combat the SAD.  Seriously, pregnancy hormones (and post-pregnancy hormones) aren't good to my mood.

Any goals for this pregnancy? Well, now that I know I can go to full-term, my goal is to have a 9-pounder.  ;)  I've come to accept that my children will always have a hard time growing and are likely to have problems with food allergies/intolerances/reactions, so I want to give this baby the best chance possible at being big!  Russ was 8lbs 5oz at birth, was Failure to Thrive by 4 days old, and was completely below the charts by 6 months.  So I want to give this baby the best chance possible by starting out bigger than ever!  9 pounds sounds good to me.

I also want to deliver without more than three pushes.  ;)  After a difficult delivery with short, fat, posterior Russell, my doctor guaranteed me that my next baby's delivery would be a breeze.  I'm holding him to it (even though I switched doctors).  I can have a 9-pounder with three pushes or less, right?  It may be wishful thinking, but it's on my "wants" list.

And there you have it.  Our third baby is on the way and we couldn't be more excited!

Sunday, October 26, 2014


Tonight I sat by the bed of my sleeping angel and put my finger in his hand, just like I did when he was a baby.  Only then, I wasn't at liberty to pick him up and hold him because he was too fragile, too unstable, or needed to preserve his energy to grow and learn how to eat.  Today I watched him go down a big slide on a potato sack all by himself.  Once he made it to the bottom, he immediately hopped up and came to me with a quivering lower lip and said, "I didn't like that at all.  I don't want to do that again."  And I held him in my arms, just as I wished I could all day long during those first three months.

As I sat by his bed, I watched him breathe.  It came so easily tonight, unlike his first few weeks.  I remember watching him struggle for breath at a few days old, just wishing the doctors would put him back on the ventilator so he could rest.  I was moved to tears, seeing my tiny baby struggle so much to do life's most basic function.  I wished life could be easy for him.

Tonight, as I sat by his side, I listened to the feeding pump churning away...just as I did almost five years ago.  He's still working on life's second most basic function (eating).  And that's ok.  Medical intervention kept him alive then, and it does so now.  I could never hate it.

As I looked at how much smaller my finger looks in his big preschooler hand, I noticed that it's slightly callused, unlike when he was born with skin as thin as paper.  I remembered my very first interaction with him--I stroked his leg, because I didn't know any other way to let him know I was there.  The nurse told me that it was overwhelming and even painful for tiny preemies to be stroked like that, and to provide firm pressure instead of movement.  Who knew I was touching my newborn baby wrong the very first moment I met him?  In the days that followed, he developed two scars from the monitor leads.  They were attached to machines and run by electricity, and even the imperceptible amount of heat they generated burned his delicate skin.  He still wears the scars today.

Tonight, I soaked him all in.  And I thanked God for the priceless memories of those first three months, and for every day since.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

An update on Russell's food intolerances.

Remember how Russell would complain of tummy aches many times daily?  And how he was so very bloated?  And how his poop was...not right?  And remember how his villi in his duodenum were mildly damaged, so we thought taking him off of gluten would be the best next step?  Then when he went off of gluten, everything got worse?  He didn't want to eat and he had blood in his poop?  So with a strike of mommy inspiration we decided to take corn out of his diet and everything got better?  Remember that?

Well, after many months of having him off of gluten and corn, we decided to try giving him gluten again in hopes of getting him to gain weight a little easier.  His weight gain didn't improve, but he didn't have any tummy aches or other problems with gluten, so we called it a success!

Then, a few weeks ago, I slipped up and gave him some cereal that was made out of corn.  Oops.  But he didn't have any problems with it, so we decided to let him trial corn.  He has since had lots of corn--straight corn, corn cereals, corn chips, corn tortillas, popcorn, etc.  And he hasn't had a single bad poop!  No blood, no mucus.  He still complains that his tummy hurts a few times a week, but that's usually because he needs to take a trip to the bathroom (which we discovered before he even started trialing corn).  And his bloating never went away (not even when he had been off of gluten and corn for many months), but as long as he's not in pain then I don't think it's a big deal.

So it's safe to say that Russell has officially outgrown his corn intolerance.  I wish we had discovered it sooner (he was almost 2 before we finally figured out why he had been in pain his whole life), but let me tell you, it's great to have a kid with no food restrictions!!  It's like a whole new world.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014



Caleb prefers to eat the crust off of bread, the skin off of potatoes, and the burnt pieces off of meat and grilled veggies.


When Russ goes #2, he kindly tells me, "Mom, can you leave?"  He likes privacy in the bathroom.


Ever since Meggie died, every time I make a noise (chuckle, sniff, sigh, etc.), Caleb asks me if I'm crying.  He's turning into a sensitive, sweet boy.  I also mentioned once how he left his feeding backpack on the floor by the bed, and every time I walked past it I had to take a second look because I thought it was Meggie sleeping there (that was where she would sleep at night).  So he said, "Maybe from now on I should leave it in my room so it doesn't make you sad."  His sweet hugs got me through some rough days.  What would I do without that kid?


Many times now, Russ has said, "Mom, I LOVE YOU!  So can I have a skittle??"  Keep up with developing the art of flattery, Kid.  It will serve you well!


Every single night, Russell lays his head on my shoulder (or Nate's, depending on who's putting him to bed) and requests his two favorite songs:  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and I Am a Child of God.  


We got some new colorful plates, cups, and utensils from Ikea.  The boys like claiming which color they want at each meal (they can only pick out of the ones I take off of the top of the stack).  Caleb has quickly learned that Russell's favorite is orange, so now of course that's Caleb's favorite, too.  When Caleb and Russ claim the same plate, Russ almost always ends up changing his mind so as to avoid a fight.  How is my 2-year-old so mature??


Caleb's favorite movie is Milo and Otis (which he pronounces Milis and Otis).  He would watch it 20x a day if he could.


In Russell's prayers, he always has to thank God for animals.  It usually goes something like this: "Dear Heavny Father, thank dee for Mommy, Daddy, Caleb, animals, Auntie Jessica, Mommy, Caleb, Daddy, giraffes, elephants, Jesus, Amen."  [Auntie Jessica is my sister-in-law and her dad passed away unexpectedly almost two months ago and my boys still remember her in every single prayer.]


Russell is in the habit of putting his shoes in the coat closet as soon as he walks in the door.  That way, he's able to find them easily when he needs them later.  Caleb is the opposite.  He will often kick a shoe off as he's walking to another room, only to kick the second shoe off in the next room.  It takes us forever to find his shoes when we need to go somewhere!  How are two brothers so completely opposite?!


When Caleb is in preschool, once a week Russell and I like to go on a lunch date together, which is something we are rarely able to do with Caleb because of all of his food restrictions.  He is so good in restaurants!  He always says thank you to the server, and asks for whatever he needs ("Can I have some water, please?")  And he's a pro at flirting with waitresses, even telling me as she's walking away and still in earshot, "She's so cute!"


Caleb loves to match Russell.  Caleb usually gets dressed before Russ, but if I dress Russ in something that Caleb has a same-colored shirt or a matching shirt for, Caleb will go back to his room and change so he can match his brother.  He even does it to match me sometimes.


Russell pronounces most things very clearly and properly, but he calls balloons "bum-a-woons."  It's adorable.


When Nate told Caleb that Taysom Hill (BYU's quarterback) broke his leg, Caleb said, "Aww, nuts.  That's not good.  At least we still have Jimmer."


Russell will often ask a person's name (the checker at the store, the doctor, etc).  When they say their name, "My name is Dave,"  Russ replies in his goofy voice, "That's a funny name!"


I was getting out of the shower and Caleb was talking to me from the other side of the door.  He said, "Are you going to wear the towel on your head?  Because I think you're cute with the towel on your head."  Then when I got dressed and came out with the towel on my head, I asked him if I was cute.  He said, "You have to smile...[I smiled]...THERE!  Just like that!  You look cute with a towel on your head and a smile!"


Auntie JB was visiting and Russ said, "I have to tell Auntie something."  I said, "You know she's in the shower, right?"  Meaning, uh, you'll have to wait until she gets out of the shower.  He said, "Yeah." and went upstairs.  I later find out that he walked right in on Auntie JB in the shower, pulled back the shower curtain, and said, "Auntie Jenna, I love you."  It was that important that it couldn't wait.


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

So Long, Dear Friend

It's amazing what the human heart is capable of.  We invite into our homes a member of another species.  We don't speak their language, and they don't speak ours.  Yet they enrich our daily lives, and when they're gone (and they always go too soon), we realize just how much love we hold for them.

I think love comes through service and sacrifice.  Jesus Christ loves us more than anyone, and he sacrificed all he had for us.  Parents love their children beyond words, because we give up everything for them.  When we sacrifice our time and means to care for pets, we grow to love them.  And together we learn a shared language of love.

And when they die, our hearts are ripped in two.  I've done a lot of hard things in my life, but I think making the choice to end my dear friend's life was the hardest one yet.

I got Meggie for my 14th birthday.  The previous week, my dog (although she was never really my dog, as she bonded closely with my dad) died unexpectedly at a young age.  I was so lonely, so my mom brought me to the shelter to see if there were any dogs there to adopt.  We tried one out, but she wasn't a good fit for our family, so the next day we brought her back to the shelter.  On the way home, I asked my mom if we could stop and see what the pet store had for dogs.  They had just gotten two new litters of puppies in: Meggie, her brother, and three little black puppies (pomeranians crossed with toy poodles).  I immediately fell for Meggie, so I decided that we'd go home and sleep on it and come back the next day to get her.  On the drive home, I thought of a name for her.  I knew she was meant to be my dog.

The next day, we went to see if she was still there.  Of all of the five dogs that were there the day before, only Meggie and one of the black puppies were left.  Someone was holding Meggie, and the moment they set her down, I snatched her up and brought her to the register.  I said, word for word, "This is my dog.  I mean, she's going to be my dog.  We're going to buy her."  So my mom bought her and gave her to me for my 14th birthday.

Meggie was the ugliest puppy you've ever seen.  Everyone said so.  But I just didn't see it.  I thought she was the cutest 4-legged creature to ever walk this earth, and everyone thought I was delusional.  Looking back, I can see she really had the looks that only a mother could love.  My love was so unconditional that I couldn't see it until many years later.

I spent 14 years and 7 months with Meggie.  That's over half of my life!  And the best, most memorable part of my life, too!  I started training her in 4-H when she was 4 months old.  She hated it.  I was a good dog trainer (my previous dog and I were winning awards), but Meggie refused to do what I asked.  She would protest a simple "sit" command.  She wouldn't come.  Sometimes she wouldn't even walk on the leash!  She started avoiding me on Thursday evenings when I would try to put her in the car to go to training practice.  Then I started bringing her to Therapy Dog instead.  She loved going to nursing homes to be pet by the residents.  It brought out her best qualities.  She started enthusiastically jumping in the car when she knew we were going to Therapy Dog.

I gave up on obedience training with her (she was a good house dog, but not a good competitive obedience dog), but I still did 4-H showmanship with her.  That's what I loved, and all she had to do was prance around and look pretty, which she was very good at once she outgrew her awkward stage.  We qualified for the state 4-H dog show many times, but I remember one time in particular.  It was just moments before entering the show ring, and I was full of nerves.  But I must have pulled it together really well, because we ended up winning Grand Champion!  We were the best in our age-group for the entire state!  It was incredible!

She stayed behind with my dad when I went off to college.  Once Nate and I graduated and bought a house of our own, my mom flew out here with Meggie.  Caleb was 4 months old, and had just been home from the NICU for one month.  She was a great kids' dog in her younger years.  She never jumped on people, never licked, never barked, and loved to follow kids around, waiting for them to drop their snacks on the floor so she could clean up after them.  She was the best for taking on walks.  We went for a long walk every morning during Caleb's first two years.

It was a really hard choice for me to have her put down.  I feel like that should be up to God and Meggie, but I just have to hope that she did choose this, and she just needed my help.  I got to hold her in my arms and comfort her while it happened.  It was perfect, yet so horrible.  I just wanted her to feel how much I loved her.  We grew up together.  Really, she was the first dog that I could claim as my own.  She was the first dog that my children ever knew, and I hope they can keep some fond memories of her.

I was once told by someone with great authority regarding strengths that my strength is my ability to love deeply.  I must say, it has been feeling like a weakness lately.  The pain I feel at Meggie's passing is so strong because my love for her was so strong.  This kind of love is what we live each day for, even though it has the potential to cause so much pain.  It was a glorious childhood that we had together, and I look forward to the day when my Meg greets me in Heaven in her wonderful way--running at top speed in giant circles while crying a happy little howl.  It will be a wonderful reunion.

No heaven will heaven be
if my dog's not there
to greet me.